


In Spirit, In Heart

by shinealightrose



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, broken relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5232260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightrose/pseuds/shinealightrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan is finally ready to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Spirit, In Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Possible heart-triggering conclusion? Careful reading, please.

He’s been trying to talk to him all night. All day in fact. There’s an unspoken tension brought on by years of stress, and they both know it. Luhan’s cried many a time. In fact he’s lost count of the number of mornings he woke up and his eyes were a puffy red, and every time he hoped maybe this was it, maybe this was the sign. They either figure things out once and for all, or Luhan will leave. Maybe this time, after this argument, after this discerning moment, there’ll come a result.

  
“Minseok.”

  
“Yeah?” Minseok answers indifferently. He doesn’t even look up from the table where he sits with his laptop. Every evening he responds to work e-mails. Sometimes he watches recaps of the day’s sports matches. They used to watch them together, but it’s long become an activity where Luhan doesn’t intrude.

  
“Minseok, can we… talk?”

  
There’s no reply for a full minute. Minseok’s eyes don’t leave the screen. His fingers continue to type furiously. Then, “Yeah.”

  
Luhan sighs. It’s not how he wants this to go. Minseok’s full, undivided attention when he’s angry is a scary sight, but it’s better than being ignored. It’s better than this: nothing.  
He waits another few minutes, not daring to press the matter. Finally Minseok finishes his task and shuts down his laptop. He still won’t look at Luhan, meanwhile Luhan’s stomach is doing convulsions and he feels like he may be sick.

  
“Well?” Minseok turns his face. Not a muscle moves. Is this had been something else, another time, another place, another era, back before they became so hostile, Luhan would have laughed. Minseok always had such an expressive face. Eyebrows, lips, crooked smile. His laugh. Luhan hasn’t heard him laugh in several months, and then only because someone else said a joke.

  
Now there is, nothing. Minseok’s face is blank. He’s calm, overly calm, collected, emotionless.

  
“You wanted to talk so…”

  
Luhan gulps. Beneath the table cloth he interlocks his fingers and steels his heart to say what he needs to say, what he wants to say. If only they would fight, perhaps it would be easier. It seems to work that way on television. Couples anger each other and they dance around each other, and then something breaks and all hell breaks loose. Anger and words and screaming and… emotions.

  
Or maybe it doesn’t work that way at all. Maybe life is just what it is, this. The slow breakup of two people who care so little about each other that there’s nothing to fight for. He wants Minseok to fight for them. Luhan can’t do it alone anymore. He’s tried and struggled alone and he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. If Minseok doesn’t love him anymore, can’t he at least say that, so that Luhan can mourn properly and get past this and move on with his life. If Minseok doesn’t love him anymore, then Luhan wants to know. Falling out of love seems almost better than falling out of like.

  
Minseok doesn’t appear to even like him anymore, and that strikes the worst. He was his best friend, his lover, his everything. Now he’s nothing, and he doesn’t know why.

  
“Minseok. I’m… I can’t do this anymore.”

  
There’s no response. Luhan sighs, figuring he should have guessed this was the case.

  
“I’m leaving.”

  
There. He’s struck the blow. His chest constricts. Tears threaten to fall from his eyes. He feels so hollow, so alone, so lifeless. Everything hinges on Minseok’s actions, on what his next words will be.

  
“Okay.”

  
Luhan gasps. “Just… okay? That’s it?”

  
“Yes. Okay. Fine. Be careful on the way out. Do you need help with your stuff at all?”

  
“I… I… no. I have, most of my things ready to go.”

  
“Okay then.”

  
Luhan indeed has been packed to move, for ages it’s seemed. Everything he has left in the apartment fits into one little box. His tears flow freely now as he rushes away from the table, from Minseok’s stoic face and runs towards it. He pauses only when he gets to the door and then he freezes, head twisting back to see one last glimpse of Minseok’s face, perhaps the last time he’ll ever see him again.

  
“Goodbye…” It’s his last plea for help.

  
“Goodbye… Luhan.”

—

 

 

“I love you.”

  
There’s no sound of the door closing, but Luhan is gone, finally, forever. Minseok sits quietly, still as a statue for minutes, long minutes. He doesn’t know how to compute this. Luhan, who he loved, is finally gone. As he should have done a long time ago. One tear turns into two, then three, then four. Then everything he’s ever held back flows freely. His face wrinkles, breath hiccuping in agony. His heart feels like trying to claw out from his ribcage, so strong is the beating, so deep the hurt.

  
He cries for an hour until he has nothing left to give. Silence takes over. His eyes are red, puffy, just like Luhan’s in his final days.

  
Then Minseok stands up and walk over to the box of things that Luhan left behind. Keepsakes, mementos, picture boxes, a stuffed animal he proudly won while playing darts. All the treasures of his life, and on top of it Minseok places the last picture he ever took. He bows before it on his knees, says a final goodbye, and then hauls the box into a closet. He can’t, he can’t deal with it today. Maybe next week, or next month. The rest of today, the rest of now, is his time to grieve. To finally mourn because Luhan’s ghost has passed. He won’t haunt him anymore, not in spirit at least.

He’ll always haunt him in his heart.


End file.
